How I put my 'strangling inner artist' syndrome to peace? – Narendra Mandadapu
Narendra Mandadapu

How I put my 'strangling inner artist' syndrome to peace?

How I become a happy person again?


Have you ever felt like you are strangling your inner artist? Do you ever feel something is inside you, a desire to become an author even though you know you just sell one or two copies at maximum?

I have a book in me. I have a course in me. I have a next billion dollar idea in me.

I walk like a zombie. I stop paying attention as I was spending my time dreaming rather than listening to the other person/friend. I felt like; I do not belong to this place or people; I am the brightest person in the room. I need new cool friends who achieved greatness or on the way to greatness. I need mentors, not these monsters who breathe gossip like oxygen.

I was not a happy person.

For years I struggled between these two paradigms

Love what you do


Do what you love

For years and years, I have one thing in my mind; I am underutilising my inner artist. I am not doing justice to my insatiable artist that is slowly turning inside me like a monster and eating me. Every minute of my life I am living a false one. What am I doing in my day job? Why I am not pursuing my dream or hobby as a full-time artist.

Me (inner): Why don’t you quit your job and start a gig?

Me (real): Who will pay the bills?

Me (inner): Start something on the side

Me (real): Yes, I do tomorrow (and tomorrow never comes as I am the president of WPC - World Procrastination Corporation πŸ˜‚)


One day out of the blue, I have come across Derek Sivers (CD baby founder) blog post, and it turned my world upside down (in a good way). It made me see my problem in a different perspective.

As he illustrates

1. Have a well-paying job.

2. Seriously pursue your art for love, not for money.

As he expands, “Do something for love and something for money. Don’t try to make one thing satisfy your entire life.”

From then on I kept the page as my home page and read every day first thing in the morning. This particular page opens whenever I open my browser (see the animated gif below). After all these years of inner struggle, I finally put my anxiety and strangling inner artist syndrome to peace. Since then I became a fanatical fan of Derek Sivers as his idea hit home with me and changed my perception altogether. I become a happy person again.

Strangling inner artist syndrome


I fully concentrated on my career by not thinking about my side gigs. I learned new things and dipped my toes into new programming languages and built a vast knowledge around my day job.

I achieved the first thing (Have a well-paying job) as I made a 6 figure income this year. I am on to my next thing, “seriously pursue my art for love, not for money”.

Now, when I read some silly stuff like quit your job or do justice to your inner artist kind of articles, I laugh at them and move on.

As a real artist, you should learn to respect your job first, then move to your art next. Have faith in your ability and let your inner artist strive for greatness.

I wish you luck while you tame your strangling inner artist syndrome! πŸ’